Family Life in the Holy Spirit

Learn to Draw on Your Greatest Resource.
by Nancy Schreck

Last summer our family vacationed in Maine. With a “Mainer” family we drove up to Acadia National Park, looking forward to beautiful scenery and incredible vistas of the Atlantic Ocean. It was not to be. The coast was totally fogbound. Visibility varied between fifty to a hundred yards as we followed paths, climbed cliffs, and walked on the seashore. Everything we saw was misty and shrouded.

While every analogy limps, I think life here on earth is a lot like our three days in Acadia. We don’t see clearly, and the bigger picture of God’s plan for us is often nowhere in sight. In Maine, however, our friends kept insisting that “the ocean is just beyond” and “the cliffs look spectacular.” Postcards teased us with their clarity. We knew we were on the coast, whether we saw it or not.

It is the same way with the Holy Spirit. He is always present with us and our families: We just can’t always see his presence and action clearly.

Cana Forever. We can be sure that the Holy Spirit is always present, because this is one of the promises God makes his church (John 14:16). The Holy Spirit is given to us in many ways, and in a special, unique way in each of the seven sacraments. Fortunately, this is not a one-time gift! The Sacrament of Matrimony, for example, isn’t limited to the marriage ceremony. Day in and day out, God is committed to us as husband and wife to accomplish the unity he desires.

When Alan and I were married, Fr. Dan started his homily on the wedding feast at Cana (John 2:1-10) by telling us that we only had to remember one thing: “Cana is forever.” For us, this meant that just as Jesus was a guest at that wedding long ago, he wanted to be invited to our wedding and into our marriage; by living with him every day we would one day live with him forever.

Alan and I live this out very simply by beginning each day remembering that Jesus is Lord. We offer the day to him and then pray the “Come, Holy Spirit” prayer (see page A13). When our children were small, we said a very short prayer with them before breakfast. Now our prayer is usually in the car on the way to school, with petitions for personal needs. These simple approaches have started a pattern or habit of prayer that all of the children (so far) have continued to practice, even when away from home. What happens in their hearts, of course, is between them and the Holy Spirit.

Our “Cana is forever” awareness encourages us to look for ways of alerting the children to Jesus’ presence. When they were infants, Alan would whisper to them, “That’s Jesus, that’s Jesus,” as the priest lifted up the consecrated host at Mass. Meanwhile, Mass after Mass, I was praying, “Reveal yourself, Lord, in their hearts.” My fear of raising a cradle Catholic—knowledgeable, yet without a living personal commitment to Christ and his church—was great. Only as I’ve reflected on how the Holy Spirit continues to work in me have I grown in trusting the unseen ways he speaks to my children.

Guide to Truth. "He will guide you into all the truth,” Jesus said about the Holy Spirit (John 16:13). This is what the Spirit does for the church. It is what he wants to do for us and our families.

We’ve tried to help our children see how they can count on the Holy Spirit to guide them by exploring the biblical accounts of God’s saving plan throughout the ages. We speak confidently about how the Spirit has guided the church from century to century. To enter more deeply into the truths of the faith, we follow the church’s liturgical year, focusing on each mystery as it comes up. At Christmas, we welcome Christ; during Holy Week, we reflect on Jesus’ gift of life to us in the Eucharist and on the cross; at Easter, we rejoice in his triumph, shared with us in the resurrection.

Over the twenty-three years of our married life, we’ve tried a variety of family activities and approaches to the liturgical seasons. Here, too, I’ve had to remind myself to leave the results in God’s hands. I remember the relief I felt one year when the Holy Spirit helped me to understand that his presence wasn’t dependent on how many activities we did or didn’t do as a family. How often we’ve experienced his power at work in “chance” events and developments we never could have planned or foreseen!

Sacramental Truth. Baptism, First Reconciliation, First Communions, Confirmation—each sacramental milestone presents an opportunity for teaching and spiritual growth. Alan and I seize the opportunity for family discussions where we speak clearly about the grace and power present for us all, not just for the child who is being prepared to receive the sacrament. This means we parents have to live the faith ourselves! Fortunately, the Holy Spirit wants to show us how to grow in this.

For me, the Spirit often “speaks” by highlighting something I hear. I remember how my youngest child’s First Reconciliation service became a special moment of grace for me when I heard the teacher encouraging the children that they were “really meeting Jesus—really being washed clean” as the priest spoke the words of absolution. I realized my personal approach to confession had become rote and impersonal. It was the Holy Spirit, gently prodding me to change.

Our children are discovering that ongoing reception of the sacraments is a source of the grace and power of the Holy Spirit. Our son, Paul, mentioned how he struggled with an injustice done by someone in his dorm. He took it to a priest in confession and was encouraged to talk with the person. Paul’s emotions were still running high, and he wasn’t convinced. But that night, he and the other person just “happened” to be at the same place, which led to a conversation. While there wasn’t a change overnight, the Holy Spirit helped him work through the difficulty.

The Eucharist, of course, is a special source of grace and light. We regularly encourage our children to place significant concerns, problems, and weaknesses on the altar at Mass. Though some are now away from home, each one can find a familiar Face as they gather around the Lord’s table.

Gifts Poured Out. Personally, I rely on the promise of the Spirit’s leading us into “all the truth” to cover any need for help, either in my relationship with Alan or with a child, or in overall family dynamics. I also see it as closely related to another role of the Holy Spirit, which is to pour God’s love into our hearts (Romans 5:5).

I especially ask for this outpouring of love when I need encouragement to keep trusting in the Spirit’s action and work. When I’m feeling “down” or another family member is struggling, when some situation seems to be unraveling—that’s when I turn to the Spirit and recall his loving presence in past events. I think of these as “Spirit moments,” snapshot memories of confidence in God that remind me to look beyond the present moment to the bigger picture.

Because the Holy Spirit pours God’s love into our hearts, we have the capacity to act in charity. This makes it possible to live a Christlike life and to share that life with others. We challenge our children to do this at school, for example, by exercising their Spirit-given power to love and by refusing to be exclusive or confrontational. (I’ve been challenged myself, at school sporting events, to grow in controlling my outbursts at referees and coaches!)

We take a similar approach with the gifts of the Spirit, which the Sacrament of Confirmation increases in us in a special way. We tell our children that they receive wisdom and understanding, right judgment and courage, knowledge, reverence, and piety (see Isaiah 11:2). “Guard and use these gifts so they’ll grow,” Alan and I remind them—and one another.

These are some of the qualities the Holy Spirit wants visible in our families and is at work to bring about. Even though we parents often can’t penetrate the mists to see what he’s doing, we are called to cooperate with him. When the fog lifts, we’ll see that the Holy Spirit has indeed been here with us, to will and work the Father’s pleasure.

Nancy Schreck lives in Steubenville, Ohio. She and her husband, Alan, have five children.