Raising Good Kids
You Mean it’s Not
About Me
One message that’s
constantly being blared at our kids is, life is all about you and
what you want. It’s about your toys, your clothes, your shoes, and,
most important, your choices. I recently heard a radio commercial
for a cola (which shall remain nameless) boasting that among the
many good things about the USA, the most wonderful is our freedom of
choice–that we get to do whatever the heck we want to do, whenever
we want to do it. The cola connection, I guess, was that you should
thank your lucky stars that you get to drink this particular cola
instead of having to force down some icky cola decreed by a
power-mad dictator.
Anyway, shortly thereafter I read an article bluntly stating that
the Catholic message flatly contradicts the "It’s all about you and
what you want" philosophy. In "You’re holier than you know" in the
October 1998 U.S. Catholic (for a copy, call 800-328-6515), Father
Robert Barron outlines three paths to holiness. Path three is titled
"Realizing that your life is not about you." The problem, says
Barron, is that most of us "think that we are the directors,
writers, and above all stars of our own dramas, with . . . other
people functioning as either our supporting players or the villains.
. . . Of course, our dramas . . . are always uninteresting, even if
we are playing the lead role. The key is finding the role that God
has designed for us, even if it looks like a bit part."
If this statement shocks us, it only goes to show how long we
Catholics have soaked in the tub of American individualism–some of
our own truths have begun to shrivel up so that we don’t even
recognize them anymore. "Holy people," says Barron, "are those who
realize that they participate in something and Someone infinitely
greater than themselves, that they are but a fragment of reality.
Far from crushing them, this awareness makes them great, capacious,
whole." This message does not recommend an attitude of unworthiness,
of thinking we’re unfit for God’s grand plans. It only encourages us
to live, says Barron, "in joyful surrender, and with a sense of
wonder. What is God doing for me now? What path is opening up to me?
Why did God send that person, that trial, that pleasure to me just
now?"
So how do we pass along a message like this to our kids, while TV,
music, and radio shout at them, "It’s all about you"?
Cultivate a sense of service. How do we help our kids to view their
God-given talents–their musical ability, math smarts, or physical
coordination? That they are gifts to be used for the good of the
people around them, or assets to propel them to the top of the heap?
I once heard a young teen say of his father: "He taught me that my
talents were God’s gift to me; what I did with them was my gift back
to God."
Encourage a search for how God is active in your lives. Let your
kids in on how you make your decisions and how God enters into them.
How do you cultivate an awareness of where God is leading you? Kids
face plenty of decisions: Do I want to take music lessons, quit the
team, join this club, apply to this high school, stand up to the
crowd? "We should," says Barron, "abandon our lives–even in the
smallest details–to this divine love, trusting that God will show us
the way." Do your kids a favor and suggest they invite God into the
choice by praying for guidance, asking for help on which path to
choose.
Just think–you’ll be taking them a few steps down one of the paths
that lead to holiness.
