Family Spirituality

Six daily routines that foster family faith

Learn French in your sleep! I remember seeing that headline on an ad years ago. It sounded too good to be true, and it probably was. But recent research shows that your child can learn his or her faith, if not while asleep, at least while getting ready for bed. And while eating breakfast, talking around the kitchen table, and enjoying Christmas, to boot.

Princeton Sociologist Robert Wuthnow discovered that the prime source of faith for self-described "religious" people was the way faith permeated the daily life of their family. Time and again they pointed to variations on six common family activities. Wuthnow says his study showed that religious formation happens when "specific, deliberate religious activities . . . are firmly intertwined with the daily habits of family routines." He adds, "Compared with these practices, the formal teachings of religious leaders often pale in significance. Yet when such practices are present, formal teachings also become more important."

So, parents, pay attention to these six at-home opportunities as they’re practiced (religiously or not) in your home. Think of ways to enhance them in your home.

eating: Time and time again I come across data showing the extreme value of the family meal. When you sit down to eat together regularly, say grace before meals, and share information about your lives, you provide your children with one of the most potent ways of forming their faith.

sleeping: Bedtime rituals are a great opportunity to introduce prayer naturally to your children. Spend time talking at bedtime and you’ll hear questions they never would have asked in daylight. It’s easy then to introduce your belief in God’s providence and care, which can accompany them through the night. Invite them to pray about the joys and worries of the day.

having conversations: Think about the quality of conversations you have with your kids. Decades ago, children spent hours a day in conversation with adult family members. Now it maybe reduced to a few minutes of information exchange, order giving, or reprimands. A friend rues the day she got an automatic dishwasher because it ended the practice of standing at the sink gabbing with one or another of her children every night. You don’t have to go out of your way to lace your conversation with talk of values, character, and holiness. Your values and character and everyday brand of holiness will come through if you talk (and listen) long enough.

adorning your living spaces: Good religious art is becoming easier to find (call Religious Resources International at 800-648-8350 for their catalog). Is there a Bible within easy reach in your home? A crucifix on the wall? Art that reflects your values? Catholic magazines or newspapers? Any indications at all that people of faith live in your home?

celebrating the holidays: The religious roots of most of our holidays provide their true significance. But those religious underpinnings get lost amidst the secular celebrations. Remedy that by going back to family traditions from your past or by researching religious holiday practices and adopting them as your own. The good news is that with kids, if they like the practice and if you do it twice in a row, it becomes the "way we’ve always done it."

being part of a community: Kids take much of their identity from the groups they belong to, e.g., Bulls fans, kids who love N’Sync, kids who hate N’Sync, kids who talk endlessly about Star Wars, or the goof-offs who go up and down my alley every Saturday night knocking down garbage cans. These groups are generally harmless. But we can do better than that for our kids. Initiate your children into a community of faith by making your parish your community, too. Sign up at the rectory. Talk to people you meet at church. Participate in ways that appeal to you. Doing so will round out your child’s identity as more than a child of a consumeristic age.

You don’t have to make a big production out of these routines. Just emphasize the ways your own faith shines through. After all, children don’t learn their faith from instructors; they learn from witnesses. (Based on ideas from Growing Up Religious: Christians and Jews and Their Journeys of Faith, by Robert Wuthnow, Beacon Press, 1999.) TJM